Transformers 2
NeutralEven though the rest of the film was garbage, the general scenes of robot on robot violence content were sublime. But that cannot compensate for the unlikeable/useless characters, boneheaded stereotypes and military tech fetishism that I had to suffer inbetween the cool bits. I can't remember seeing another film that flipped me from eye-felating awe to eye-gouging awful in such rapid sucession. It was like riding a roller coaster that showers you with chocolate strawberries before dunking you in a lake of shit.
I feel polluted by it, and ashamed to have paid to watch this trash. I think there was better characterisation and more innovative plotting in the childrens cartoons, and that's saying something. The experience of watching this movie is akin to being in the presence of a drunken, idiotic thug who you know will punch you in the face if you don't laugh at his awful dick jokes. In other words, it's like having dinner with Michael Bay. How dare he take the characters I love and put them in this repugnant film.
Devious Comments
1. Not one. Not two. Three. Three scenes of one dog humping another dog.
As a joke.
2. A Decepticon humping Megan Fox's leg.
3. Two nigga-bots that put Jar-Jar Binks to shame. And the scene in which you hope they're gonna' die by getting sucked up into Devestator? Yeah - they bust open the side of his head.
4. Bumblebee cums all over a chic trying to get Shia Labouf to cheat on Megan Fox.
5. Jetfire. They made him one big geriatric joke. He walks with a transformers cane. He farts-out black smoke and a parachute.
6. Agent Simmons - he comes back. An even bigger joke than the first one and they show his ass (literally) wearing just a jock-strap with the "Sector-Seven" logo on it.
7. Sam's mom eating marijuana brownies and acting like a goofball. The baggie she holds up even has a huge pot-leaf. I was thinking to myself "Hasbro allowed this?"
Yep. This movie could suck-start a leaf-blower.
The tie-in's and prequel novel were so good, too! In fact - those should have been the sequel.
I liked the whole black-ops idea of hunting down rogue Decepticons with the Autobots, but yeah - they killed anything that was good.
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"When I signal you to come, you come. When I signal you to charge, you charge. When I signal you to retreat, you follow me and run like hell..."
- Major Amos Charles Dundee
Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is meh at best. It's not just the tactless "humor"--even with it's paper thin plot and one-note characters, the first movie had a narrative drive and urgency, while this one just meandered from one set piece to the next.
The sad thing is, the movie is making shit-tons of money, which means they'll probably let Bay direct again, and he'll take the financial success as a mandate to give us more of the same, only louder and bigger. What the franchise needs to do is take a cue from the Potter films and let a different director with an actual "vision" put his spin on the third one to keep the series fresh.
Me, I'd like to see Shockwave come to earth to boot Megatron out of commission, with the Dinobots in hot pursiut. Some Grimlock/Prime rivaly could finally give the robots a chance to be the stars instead of the window dressing.
Oh, and Megan Fox had (a) way more to do and (b) much less lip gloss in the first film, and I think they squandered her character and looks immensely in this outing. A sexy woman actually doing something is still more interesting to watch than a sexy woman just being sexy.
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'You think your client--one of the richest, most powerful men in the world-- is a vigilante who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands, and your plan is to blackmail this person? Good luck." --Lucius Fox
(me am robin's artist)
Hopefully, with no Writer's Strike in the near-future, the next film will be a more entertaining venture.
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William Rendfeld
That EchoWing Guy...
Author of "Transformers: Armada (Revisited)"
--
"When I signal you to come, you come. When I signal you to charge, you charge. When I signal you to retreat, you follow me and run like hell..."
- Major Amos Charles Dundee
I mean, entire cool movie franchises -- Aliens, Predator and whatnot-- have been diluted so that kids can watch them in the cinemas. Yet Transformers-- based on childrens toys-- get sexual humour and drug references that you won't find in your average slasher movie? What's up with that?
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"Artwork that is only about wanting to be famous will never make you famous. Fame is a by-product of doing something else. You don't go to a restaurant and order a meal because you want to have a shit."-- Banksy
--
'You think your client--one of the richest, most powerful men in the world-- is a vigilante who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands, and your plan is to blackmail this person? Good luck." --Lucius Fox
(me am robin's artist)
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