As somebody who spent a not inconsiderable part of his youth running around a playground making the crunchy transforming noise with my mouth, I was of course looking forward to Transformers 2. It's a symbol of my disdain to call it 'Transformers 2' because I know it makes Michael Bay apopleptic with rage when anyone does. And quite frankly-- good, because Bay is someone who deserves to be annoyed, browbeaten and cajoled until the end of time for his appalling films.

Even though the rest of the film was garbage, the general scenes of robot on robot violence content were sublime. But that cannot compensate for the unlikeable/useless characters, boneheaded stereotypes and military tech fetishism that I had to suffer inbetween the cool bits. I can't remember seeing another film that flipped me from eye-felating awe to eye-gouging awful in such rapid sucession. It was like riding a roller coaster that showers you with chocolate strawberries before dunking you in a lake of shit.

I feel polluted by it, and ashamed to have paid to watch this trash. I think there was better characterisation and more innovative plotting in the childrens cartoons, and that's saying something. The experience of watching this movie is akin to being in the presence of a drunken, idiotic thug who you know will punch you in the face if you don't laugh at his awful dick jokes. In other words, it's like having dinner with Michael Bay. How dare he take the characters I love and put them in this repugnant film.